Mourning and Moving On
This post is a bit heavy so my apologies, but sometimes you have to write about the real stuff too. So if you’re looking for fluff, skip to the next article 🙂
Mourning is a part of life. Also death. But I’m not talking about morning someone who has passed. But rather other tough situations that cause you to mourn, and a tip on, how to move on.
Moving is tough at the best of times, but a lot of us find it difficult to let go of the past or the confines that hold us to any particular situation. A bad relationship, the memory of someone, a toxic job, a one-sided friendship, or a city that no longer serves you. I find that a physical ties are the easiest to let go, but it’s the mental aftermath that takes a toll. After leaving an abusive relationship, feelings of doubt, questions regarding self worth, and post traumatic stress can creep into your daily life. After getting out of such a relationship you can read all the articles about self love etc. but no one writes about the fact that you will still grieve that person. It was after all still a relationship you were in. The possibility of going back to that relationship is the furthest thing from your mind but those moments when they were sweet will always remain in your memories. Mourning is tough. The person may not even be gone physically, but they may be to you. It’s the same.
Like a friendship gone sour. It can be even tougher to lose a friend/or friends after a breakup, or simply cause you grew apart. Perhaps they got into a relationship and checked out of the friendship. This happens a lot as people get what they need from the relationship they are in rather than from the friendships they had. Being firm with relinquishing those friendships may be what’s best for that tainted past. Sometimes moving forward alone, though tough, makes you stronger. But mourning that past and those friendships, or even how those friendships were at that time, is important too.
Moving to a new city or back home to your hometown, is said to be one of the most stressful things in life. Top four. So feeling panicked, raw, even unstable during those times is okay. You decide to stay somewhere because it serves you… or you’re complacent. But making the decision to move can be the best thing you can do for yourself. A city that doesn’t serve you, your goals, your drive, your ambition… that city isn’t in line with the flow of you. Don’t swim upstream. Instead, find a drumbeat you can dance to and that jives with you. I’ve moved cities four times. Although difficult, I learned something each time, and it has shaped me to the man I am today. Mourning and missing a city can be hard too, the people, the food… god I miss Toronto, but I wouldn’t go back. At least not right now.
Same goes for the job you may have. If it makes you unhappy, compromise your morals, or take too much time so you are unbalanced and ultimately unhealthy, you have to find a compromise or move to a new company. Leaping off that pedestal is the hardest thing, but doing what you love and being balanced is so much more important. Be brave and make the decision to be whole. A job and the people working there will forget you in 12 days after you leave. Still feel like you need to stay? Don’t stress about it… they won’t. Choose you and mourn the loss of the great relationships you made with colleagues rather than the toxic work environment you are putting yourself through on a daily basis. Or better yet, keep in touch with the nice coworkers and build a relationship outside of work.
Lame… but, time heals all wounds. For the rest, seek counselling. Seriously. Also meditation helps to be in the moment and stop living in the past where your memories live.
Photos by Rhonda Watson