This Year I Literally Laughed Until I Cried
Now… was I laughing at the Oscar dresses or Ellen’s hilarious quips? Let me start by saying, no one’s look was uproarious enough to make me shart so it must have been Ellen’s gentle jibes at JLaw’s inability to defy gravity (Oscars joke) and end up kissing carpet. There were a lot of best one liners from the lips of the host of one of the most popular shows on Television and damn it if I can remember even one! Coulda been from all the celebratory drinks and insanely great Oscars hors d’oeuvres.
But lets get down to business and dish about these decalescent dresses and… those that left you with a fevered chill and palpable uneasiness… I’m going to start with worst because that’s how I roll: See my 2014 Golden Globes Best and Worst for an example
Julia Roberts was the worst dressed.
I could end it with that but, I’ll continue… her lace Givenchy ensemble was the fifth horseman, it was an oil-slicked doily montage, it was a cloud of ink shot from the sac of a cephalopod in a hope to distract and confuse us… It worked. And I am going to sound like a broken record but WHY GOD WHY ARE YOU WEARING A PEPLUM!!! I literally can’t even. I just can’t Nope. Can’t!
STOOOOOOP IIIIIT! <— there’s a hand gesture to go with that!
Why didn’t she just go with a pretty little number fit for the princess we all know is under that
car (no it’s more of a) truck (no but closer…) plane (almost) train(nope… oh I got it) blimp wreck that it was. Alright I think we get it… the dress was terrible. okay love you Julia now moving on.
Julie Delpy’s date Aragog (the spider from Harry Potter) has an interesting way of showing that Julie, is in fact, “his property.” By showering her in his webbing, she both wards off other elephant sized arachnids and manages to fashion herself into a cobweb cluster fuck. A word of advice… if you plan on leaving the Forbidden Forest, please do it with a dress made of something other than proteinaceous spider silk. Yum!
The dress, by the way, was a Jenny Packham which by the way made my Worst Dressed Oscars 2014 list.
Whoopi Goldberg’s ensemble can really only be described as a sight that creates sore eyes. The soreness comes from bashing, scratching, or using a melon baller to remove your eyes quickly and efficiently so as to not prolong exposure to what many agree was the worst dressed celeb at the party. The gangling noose-like pearls and frumpy blouse that erupted from her billowing strapless dress was too much for this blogger to go on about…
I don’t know what this was supposed to be and don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t anything good, but I think she is just rolling with the punches now and that whole, lift the leg and show the epic Louboutin’s stunt, was just fun so congratulations Whoopi, you placed third on my worst dressed list as opposed to first.
Stay tuned for the best dressed tomorrow.
Julie Delpy Grazia.fr
Whoopi – Huffingtonpost.com